I can't believe I'm here again. When will this end? I understood your beliefs and I respect them still, that's what is so hard. I see a beautiful sunrise on our little girl's birthday and I think of you and wonder just maybe, but then I hear your voice expressing your ideas of those beliefs and that beautiful sunrise just becomes nature. You were never disrespectful and I do not follow the doctrine, for me it's all about acts of kindness, compassion, and how one conducts their life. Your brilliant mind does not allow me to find you in every day things, yes memories, but in your words you just turned off. I so wish there was a switch I could just turn on and know you were the one putting my lost coffee cup on the counter or something silly like that. Our little girl gets a tingling feeling on the back of her neck when she "senses" you're watching, it makes her feel comforted that she is still your princess and I encourage that for her. I just know how you felt and you didn't believe in such things and I truly respect that and now it haunts me. Again you were always so respectful to people that have beliefs in a higher power(s) and were glad it was there for those in times of great tragedy and loss. I don't know where I fall in the category. We talked extensively about the topic and shared many similar beliefs. I need something and I'm not finding it at church, many times that is a place of my deepest despair. I love you my handsome man.
take care
No comments:
Post a Comment