Here I am

Here I am, I should be asleep, I'm tired, here I am.  I've become immune to your pictures on my wall, right here where I sit when I write to you. As I stare at these photos there is everything up there from comedy, to goofy, pride, love, and a serious scholarly pose.  I see these pictures every day and lots of time I don't give them a second thought.  Maybe that's me just trying to move on, but then I feel so guilty because I don't want to be immune, I don't want to have this life without you, but here I am.

You know I tried to help someone tonight, I really tried.  I believed him, though many in my place would have a cynical view & thought is was a story.  It didn't work out, he didn't believe me, he was upset.  I also worked with some different people over the last few days and just listening to them complaining about every interaction they have with another human being, it was sickening.  The world does not revolve around individuals, humanity is a group effort.  Put yourself in that person's shoes, just the part you know about, never mind the aspects of their life you don't see; an abusive relationship, financial burden, PTSD.  In our line of work people are coming to us because they need something to breathe, to improve their quality of life, to survive.

I miss you so, I really needed to hear your voice tonight, just to tell me it would be OK.  I remember calling you from work and just hearing your voice would help me calm down and stop my trembling hands.

I love you handsome man.
take care,