Sunday, December 25, 2016


Merry Christmas Love,
I'm making your favorite.  I did not make it last year, I just couldn't.  I volunteered to to make it this year, but really wasn't feeling it, still not.  I miss you so much.  This year will be the first Christmas I haven't had lasagna for Christmas dinner ever.  My entire childhood and all those Christmas dinners with you, you adopted my family tradition.  As a married couple we did not do squid and linguini on Christmas Eve, but we started our own.  Your fish stew you made and my eggplant parmesan.  You said that was your favorite dish, my eggplant parmesan.

Let me tell you a story about your favorite dish.  So tonight after we get home from festivities at a family gathering I began the task of making this famous dish.  I'm frying the breaded eggplant and layering the finished product with sauce and cheese.  I didn't realize smoke was starting to form even though I'm using the fan over the stove.  The smoke alarm goes off screeching 'FIRE EVACUATE' the dogs start to howl I'm frantically opening windows, opening the sliding glass door, turning on ceiling fans, and climbing the step stool to try & disengage the smoke detector.  One other detail, the alarm serenade began at 12:10am.  All I have to say is this eggplant better be good.

I really miss you.  I love you handsome man.

take care

Monday, December 12, 2016


I'm falling, slipping, inside out, the hollow is enveloping me.  I just want seclusion, I don't want to do the daily tasks of life, I don't want to be around people, I don't want to be around.  I'm desperately trying not to be selfish, not to just wallow in my own thoughts.  I'm trying to make you proud.  I am so self conscious, feel like I'm being judged by every word or action I complete.  I feel so overwhelmed.  I'm trying to keep things cheerful and jolly for our little girl.  I'm trying not to stress her out, trying to keep things light, yet ensure she learns responsibility.  I miss you so much, I still feel so empty & lonely.

I love you handsome man and miss you so much

take care