Here it is, my reflection of the fifth sorrowful mystery: Jesus dies on the cross
"From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o'clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, Eli Eli, lema sabachthami? which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Matthew 27:45-46
Death is a part of life is a saying everyone's heard. For me the grief following death became my life. I felt alone, abandoned, like a hollow had consumed me, I was stuck. My husband passed away then four years and eleven days later my dearest friend died unexpectedly. She was my confidant, my listening post, my life guard. She was there for me and my daughter when my husband was diagnosed, when he declined, and when he died. She stayed by my side and we grew closer. I've never had a sister, but I imagine that's what it would be like. I was back in that hollow, I think of grief like the ocean. For me, at the beginning it is difficult because the waves come so fast and so hard. To cope I would look for distractions to occupy my time and thoughts. I was numb to the world around me. After losing my dearest friend, my life guard, I remembered my Kairos. It is a simple necklace made of rope and a circle of clay with a handmade cross imprinted on it. I received it on my senior year retreat that was themed "Kairos: God's time". It usually hangs on my wall, when days get too difficult and I feel alone, drowning I'll put my Kairos around my neck and feel the clay lag against my chest and I know I won't be swallowed, the wave will pass and the ocean will be calm again.
During this time of isolation so many of us grieve the joys that are lost, missed birthdays, postponed weddings, and it hurts to smile sometimes. Upon my reflection of this 5th sorrowful mystery I think about Jesus experiencing death, feeling alone, I think about his mother grieving her son, I think about my dear friend's mother and her time in the waves. I reach for my Kairos and remember calm and light will come, just like after the crucifixion Mary finds peace on the third day.
As we meditate upon the crucifixion, we pray for the grace of hope and calm.
