Thursday, January 21, 2016

It's winter, it's cold.

You know what I miss a great deal?  Real conversations about important things, like books, ideas, philosophy.  I don't like talking about the weather, it's winter it's cold.  I don't want to discuss the wardrobe choices of celebrities.  I want to talk about books and what makes an author good at what they do.  I want to talk about music and why certain pieces can evoke such an emotional response.  I crave discussion of thought and ideas.  To talk about the abstract, put words together, share ideas.  You, my friend, are always so easy to talk to, you understood every idea I tried to convey and we would sit, drink coffee, discuss real things, and ponder.  I miss you so my handsome man.

take care

Thursday, January 14, 2016


Ok I'm done.  I'm tired of the sadness, I'm tired of the worry.  No more.  I just want to wake up in the morning and live my life.  No more paralysis.  I like to laugh, I want to laugh, I will laugh.  I want to know when the grief stops, well it stops now.  I can't keep doing this.  I'm sure there will be moments, but I really can't take much more, so I'm done.  There will be one more date that will be difficult, but I'm going to do my best to not let it paralyze me, not let it fill me with emptiness.

Last week was just the perfect storm.  Being robbed and learning the most important person in the world to me has moments when she does not want to live, just completely did me in.  I can't let that happen.  I wrote you a letter tonight, the exercise was to help our little girl, but it helped me a great deal.  In the end it did what it was suppose to and helped her too.

I wrote about what your ladies are up to.  I mentioned how we finished Harry Potter and I so wanted to tell you my theory of the story, to have that discussion like we would. I'm doing it again, I'm thinking about you so much tears just come.  I'm either one extreme or the other, I've always been like that, so passionate about something I put everything I am into it or I just let it go and it's gone.  I either think of you all the time and get swallowed by the emptiness or I don't think about you at all, then I feel guilty because I love you so much, even still.  It starts again.

I sit here looking at your pictures above the screen, I remember I'm done.

love you handsome man

take care