Half

We had quite a day handsome man.  I actually jumped in a frozen lake and it was great. I have to admit I was a little lonely at lunch when we all went out as a big group.  I miss you so much.  In social settings it's hard because I feel like the fifth wheel. Today was a little different, it was not just a bunch of couples socializing it was a good mixed group, yet I was surrounded by all these people and felt so utterly alone.  At least I wasn't plagued by it all day.

During our event today I met an individual who is no longer with his significant other.  This person was so open and honest with me it took me by surprise.  I am not that way as you so very well know.  I'm quiet until you get to know me, but once I really know you I just don't shut up.  This person shared the story and talked about the struggle with depression and finding a support group was so helpful.  Maybe it's because I can be such a listener, it was nice to be able to listen and show kindness.  After the conversation went on for a bit this person realized he was baring his soul to a complete stranger and kind of laughed and said "and how's your life?"  There was a bit of a silent pause and I told him, oh fine and for some reason I paused again and told him I had a similar predicament and that you died in April.   I did not tell him our whole story or any of the details, it was just those simple words "my husband died in April."  He was very kind and said how he just couldn't imagine.  It was just nice to know that I am not the only one struggling.  Of course I know I am not the only widow in the world.

 I struggle with the fact I became a widow at 40, I lost my best friend, my partner, my lover.  I watched half of my world painfully leave my life and now I sit and listen to the other half of my world sleep.  Part of me died with you and it will never ever come back and I live my life for the remaining half of my world.

I love you handsome man.

take care,