I don't know why, the book? The words, she describes how it hurts when someone dies, walking down a hallway can hurt, listening to a song can hurt, looking at a picture. The descriptions, the name of her Aunt and piano teacher, hurt. Pretty overwhelmed today, not with work, with life. I was described as "good garbage" tonight, I'm sure it was not intentional, but hurt all the same. Felt like a failure, beaten. I don't know why, such good news yesterday, such excitement, today started that way too. It was after, on the way home listening to the words, bringing back the flashes, the dreaded cart of cookies for those about to loose the most important person in their life. Fucking cookies. I'm tired, never good when I'm tired, exhausted really. I don't even have the energy for this. I'm done.
Why is it back, why is the hollow returning? It will never go away. I just want to stay in my room, away from everyone, everything, lay in my bed and just close my eyes. Life does not work that way. Sometimes I feel life doesn't work out at all. Wham. Slap in the face. Gut punched. Tomorrow will come, it will be a new day.
take care
