Forgetting

 I'm drowning, maybe just treading water.  I can't seem to find joy, laughter.  I'm forgetting what it feels like to be loved, to be liked, to have my opinion sought after, respected, to have a conversation, a discussion.  I'm going through the motions of day to day activity, the hollow is swallowing me.  Do I need to be here? I'm only here because of her, I don't feel like I have purpose.  She doesn't realize but I do need to be here for her.  There are times I fell like I'm failing her, everything so serious.  I feel like you're not even here in this space anymore.  It's like I've lost you, lost the place I could reach out to you.  This page is just my head now, my empty soul, the hollow, the void, the darkness.  When you first left I searched for something from you, looked for some sort of sign, a symbol I could hang on to.  Nothing.  Your belief in science, your theory of just turning off made me think that search was foolish, not that you thought me foolish.  Just the opposite, you respected my opinions and beliefs and so in return I felt my search for something of you after you turned off was disrespectful.  If only you had given me something to hold on to like you did with her.  Yeah I know I'm strong, but I'm not strong here I'm falling apart. 

The swing is gone, they just took it away.  It's just one more material object that is gone, one more thing we shared that no longer exist in my realm.  In 1,999 days so much has changed and you feel further and further away.  

I miss you handsome man and I miss me. 

take care