choices

Choices. 

Am I really trying this again? Am I setting myself up?  

Choices, it's my choice, it's his too.  I tried this before and got burned, got hurt.  Then I cut everything off, shut it all down.  I went for the pull off the band-aide quick method, painful yes, but after some time the sting goes away.  He chose to put the band-aide back on and let it dangle.  The wound is still there, not healed, not scabbed exactly either, but also not fresh.  I'm cautious, not trusting, and my defenses are up, all the walls in place.  Trust is fragile, once broken it can be put together, but it's not the same, like putting together a broken vase.  The cracks are there, full of rough edges, the vase is not as pristine, instead it has character.  There is a story to tell, the vase might go up on a higher shelf to keep it protected, out of reach.  It may not be the first choice for a beautiful bouquet of flowers, but it's beautiful in it's own right.  I'm not sure where this analogy is going, just like I'm not sure where this choice I've made will lead.  I made this choice out of kindness, something I wanted from the beginning.  When I learned it couldn't happen I chose to pull off the band-aide, that was just over a month ago.  Here I sit wondering about the choices I've made and will make. 

take care,