The consuming hollow

Hello Handsome
It's been a rough few weeks.  I've been cooking lately, I think you'd be proud.  We're remembering things that happened two years ago.  I can't believe it's been two years, you feel so much further away from me.  Time does not stop and it cycles, so many memories, trying to remember the happy but the pain continues to consume the day to day.  At this moment I feel nothing, except empty and dread.  It's like I'm choking, suffocating on the hollow that fills me, takes the space where the happy memories should be.

I'm moving forward, without you, that causes me so much guilt and pain.  Our little girl is so different now, she's funny and clever and so many things you'll never see.  She loves to read and she is so creative, she's coming up with ideas for books and stories all the time.  I'm doing my best to foster that creativity.

This is not easy, it never was easy, before it was a team effort we leaned on each other we balanced.  It was you and me doing everything together, figuring out what was best for her and for us.  Now it's all me.  There is no team, no reassurance, no sounding board to figure things out.

take care