Just me

The other day I forgot to put my ring on, I didn't realize until I was out the door and down the street.  When I came home I still didn't put it back on.  I haven't put it back on yet.  I've been thinking about it quite a bit.  I still wear your ring around my neck where it dangles near my heart.

If I ever forgot to put my ring on before you were sick, I felt naked and knew something was missing.  You're not missing, you're gone.  If anything, part of me is missing, I'm learning to live life with that missing piece, with that hole in my heart.  Maybe that's why I still wear your ring so close to my heart.  You never took it off, in the shower, asleep, swimming, it was part of you.  Of course you were forced to take it off for medical procedures, but as soon as you were able it was right back on that finger.  The last time you took it off was for the 8 hour full body MRI.  You gave it to me to hold, I put it on a chain and wore it around my neck.  I was ready to give it back to you when you woke up.  You were in so much pain.  That ring never went back on you finger and I still wear it around my neck.  Sometimes I put my own finger through it.

Your Princess is angry, she's angry with all the daughters that have fathers, with me because I had you for more than eight years, because I was there at the last moments of your life, because I still have my Dad.

I'm doing the best I can.  I've finally realized that our parenting style is very different than my parenting style.  Being part of a team is so much easier than doing this solo.  I'm finally starting to accept that it's OK  I do things differently.  I'm not you and I'm not us, I'm just me.

I love you handsome man, take care.