today

 Every day.  Today.  Not to toot my own horn, but I think I did a good job on the big birthday today. It really was two days.  I've also been there for my Dad and kept things balanced as best I could. I miss you. Every moment of happiness, achievement, every milestone achieved will always have a smattering of sadness, something missing.  I miss you so much. I miss being loved by you, that feeling of knowing I was loved no matter what.  

I looked for it again, but I was mistaken.  So much has happened in these last six months.  

You couldn't be bothered to be here when I got back. Not only did you disrespect my wishes and let him roam free, but you couldn't be bothered to be here.  If I were important to you, you would have been here because you wanted to.  

It's better this way.  I still look.  I still notice all the cars, without the monkey, still makes me think of you.  These last six months have not be easy or fun, but I'm still here and I'd like to think my efforts have made things, if not better at least bearable.  I crave being hugged, to know that no matter what it'll be ok.  I miss the "we'll figure it out" and I'm tired of figuring it out on my own.  I  miss my cheering section telling me how smart and beautiful I was.  

take care,