Sunday, April 16, 2017

Thank you

I know how you personally felt about belief and religion.  You expressed your opinions and though we did not agree and it was a very difficult trying time for me that first year you understood & expressed your opinions, you were always respectful.  Once I got over the fact that there was an aspect of our life that we were not on the same page I accepted it and in some respects took on some of your thoughts and truly took your explanations to heart.  It took about a year, but I loved you and respected you so much during our life together that it made us stronger, if that was even possible.  Over these past two years I've struggled to find you in things.  So many say you're in my heart, I'll always have memories, blah blah blah.  A few years ago, wow I don't like saying "a few years ago" to reference a time you were already gone.  A few years ago I saw a beautiful sunrise on our daughter's birthday and I so desperately wanted it to be from you, a sign your soul was still being.  In my mind and my heart I knew it wasn't that case.  We actually had a real conversation, we were driving on Jefferson at dusk, it was during that first year of me trying to accept your position, I said something along the lines of how beautiful the sunset was and how can there not be a God.  You smiled at me with those beautiful brown eyes and that magnificent mind of yours and made your argument appealing to my sense of science.  You were by no means disrespectful to my beliefs and my struggle to accept your beliefs.  On her birthday I knew that sunrise was not you.

Today, Easter Sunday 2017, it's been 2 years and five days since you left this earth, in your opinion you just turned off.  That's what has been so hard for me to accept, that fact that you just turned off and you're gone.  I understand that was your belief in life, and you even said you could be wrong.  You lived a good life, you were kind, intelligent, passionate about issues that effected people's lives.  You called yourself a humanist, you believed in treating others as you want to be treated.  I digress, today Easter Sunday the homily was about faith, atheism, and how when we act with compassion for others that can not just be science.  The homily really spoke to me and it felt like it was for me personally.  I served mass this morning, I was a eucharistic minister and gave the bread to individuals during communion.  As I was standing on the alter during the final prayers this breeze came across and it was so peaceful.  I looked over to the doors, they were open which is very unusual.  I don't think I've ever seen the door opened during the middle of mass.  The sunlight was coming through and this breeze of gentle wind brushed across the altar, I truly felt that was you telling me you are still here, your soul did not just turn off when you took that last breath.  I can't tell you the peace I felt, it was nothing like I've ever experienced before.  Thank you.  I love you handsome man.

take care

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