change the world

My shift took me to the first pharmacy I worked when we moved here nearly ten years ago.  It's relatively close to our home and close to where you had your treatments the last 11 months of your life.  The first script I checked was from your oncologist.  Half way through my shift I saw another prescriber's name from our past.  It just hit me, working close to home has it's conveniences and draw backs.  Our daughter will be ten years old in a matter of days, I still can't believe I'm a single parent.

I have found some drive in life, I'm becoming more active with a group I started with in 2013.  I've actually taken on more responsibility with this group.  I'm trying to make a difference in our world, it may not be much, but  I want to be a good example for our daughter.

I miss you so much.  There are so many things I want to talk to you about, so many ideas I want to share, so many frustrations I wan to vent, tell you how I feel so hopeless and powerless, yet I want to save the world.  Only you understood me, knew where I was coming from.  The last few days I've put in the good column, I still look at my wall just behind this screen and see all the pictures I've put up with simple tacks.  Your face, your beautiful brown eyes watching over me.  I miss being part of a team, in a sense our little girl and I are a team now, but it's not the same.  I don't refer to us as team, we are now the Ladies.

The world we live in is so uncertain, now more than ever.  Decisions are being made and I do not like them, they scare me, and it is not the type of society I want our daughter to grow up in.  I'm doing my best to show her what is best, not just talk about it, to take action.

I miss you handsome man.


take care,