Phrases.

Groovy
Carpe Diem
Try your best
I'm proud of you
Grow old with me
Come home safe

All phrases you use to say.

You're no longer my emergency contact.  That really sucks!  It was a really good couple of days.  I even took down all but one of your hats.  I was OK.  I didn't feel guilty, it was nice to make changes, to finally realize that things do not have to look the way they did when you were alive.  I don't share this room anymore.  Then I went to the eye doctor, and she asked me to confirm all the information including my emergency contact.  I had to change that, and that wasn't OK, that really sucked.  I wasn't expecting that, I was ready for the "how's your husband?" not for a formality on a form.  The dumbest things just bring me back down to this funk.  It's like taking two steps forward, then one step back.  I don't know when I'll find the strength to move forward again.

I see your pictures on my wall, candid shots, funny poses, loving glances.  Memories of our life, a life I no longer have.  I'm trying to find my life.  Wearing my hair differently, wearing make up.  You always said I didn't need make up, but you're not here to tell me anymore, not holding my hand, not hugging me tight.  I really am trying.  I focus on my little girl trying to do right by her.  Just when I think I'm out of the forest, into the light and I can see what's ahead the clouds come and and the darkness engulfs me.  Tomorrow will come.  The sun will rise and it will set.

I love you handsome man.

take care,