love you forever

A song I made up to help our infant daughter sleep.  The last time I sang it was to you.

I love you forever
I love you for always
     for the rest of my days

Please close your eyes now
and go to sleep
You will dream tonight
     about your life.

I love you forever.


love you my handsome man

take care.

Spoiled

You spoiled me so.  I just feel so lost with out you.  There is this emptiness, I feel hollow.  I just feel like I am all alone in this world.  I am doing my best to be sure our little girl doesn't feel all alone in this world.  I'm tired of being strong.  I'm tired of keeping things together.  She is the reason why I get out of bed in the morning.  When I smile now it doesn't feel real, it's so people won't worry.  You could always make me real smile.  My brain tells me it will get better, but my heart doesn't believe it.  Until I real smile again.

I love you my handsome man.

take care

Miss hearing that song.

I miss you so.

I'll miss hearing this song on my phone, I would get all excited because you were calling me.

I just loved making you happy.

I miss how you always kept me grounded, reminded me not to worry about things I couldn't control. I'm trying to remember, I really am.  When things get too crazy or become too much I try to think what would Richard say right now.  You were so funny and quick it's hard for me to come up with the right words to remember, but I always knew exactly what you meant even before you said the perfect words at the right moment.

I hope you know how much I love you, even still.  I feel so lonely and empty with out you.  You always believed in me and thought I was so intelligent.  You made me feel really good about myself. I'm trying to hang on to that too.

I am so sorry you suffered so much, especially at the end.

I love you my handsome man.

take care

A new title

I have a new title these days, one that will not go away. Not really a title, but a category, a box to check.  I became a widow 11 days ago.  My house is so quiet, except for wails of grief from my little girl.  She has no title.  Uncertain future, I keep searching the past.  I hope to come across a note a word from beyond.  I miss you so.  There is no one looking out for me anymore, making sure I'm not lost, telling me to come home safe every time I leave the house.  Those beautiful brown eyes that compliment your smile, I miss those eyes, I miss your looks, I miss your smile.  I'm trying so hard, so very hard to remember you're always with me, to recall the memories, to do all the things I tell our little girl when she sobs in sorrow.  I sit here now, our little one asleep, pondering my new title.

I love you my handsome man.

take care

Focus

Not sure what's going on these days.  I've been down lately.  I've really missed my Mom and I've been thinking about my Gram too.  Not sure what trigged all these thoughts.  Seeing family in Cleveland, Alliance, my Dad visited and just left, or that my birthday just passed, another one I couldn't share with my Mom.  No "daughter" card this year or ever again. That's my problem, why do I focus on what I no longer have in life.  I really should focus on all the wonderful graces in my life.  I have a beautiful little girl who is healthy, happy, & quite intelligent.  I have a husband who absolutely adores me, he's handsome, funny, incredibly intelligent, extremely supportive, a terrific Dad, and I love him with everything inside me.  So what is my problem?

My little girl & I will be going to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children tomorrow, that usually puts things in perspective; as Richard always says . . . first world problems.

I'm working to "snap out of it" I promise.

take care

TLC

Decided to start a different blog for my running, but don't worry I'm still out there, running that is.

I've been thinking about a little something involving an elderly woman I know professionally.  When I first met her lots of people did not care for & did not want to help her for fear of being yelled at or spoken to poorly.  I have to admit I was among those folks.  Let's just call this person OL, (I'll let you come up with a first & last name to fit this character).

A few months ago maybe even several months ago I had enough at work.  Not just with OL, but with everything at work.  People everywhere were just on my nerves.  I took some time and really thought about what I was doing in my life & how I would like to be treated if I were on the other side of the counter.  It made me think of Kairos.  It made me think of how I have no idea what people's situations are & how I know treating a person (especially one who is trying to help you) poorly is not acceptable, but again I don't know their situation.  What if they were just given a diagnosis of terminal cancer or worst yet their child is very ill.  They might just be coming to see me because they are not feeling well, I don't know about you, but when I'm sick I can be pretty grumpy, especially if I have to be out and not in my own bed resting.  Granted that is not an excuse, however it is something to think about.

On with OL.  With all of this in mind I decided to take another approach when dealing with my patients.  I would try to be more empathetic with my difficult patients.  I greeted them enthusiastically, remembered little details from our previous encounter & asked follow up questions.  I tried to be more personable.  It's paying off I have to say.  OL has done a complete 180, well maybe a 165, I'm still working on her.  When my patients are happy, my staff is happier, and that makes a great place to work.  Turns out OL has a soft spot for stray cats.  She seems so tough & gruff, but this cat had kittens in her neighborhood and she leaves bowls of milk out & she's mentioned leaving out tuna as well.  Her neighbor says to just leave them alone, but she told me she can't do that, they're just kittens & can't fend for themselves.  Just a little bit of kindness & compassion & I see this whole other side of a fellow human being.

take care,

June 6, 2012 Blaine, MN

Had a wonderful run this morning.  The temp was awesome, playlist was jamming, & I felt great.  A few thoughts . . .

When running by the porta-potty by the little league field, don't inhale, not a good idea.

Yes, Mister Jagger geometry was hard, but I worked hard & proved myself my sophomore year @ OLP, thanks Mrs. Kracht. . . this came to me as I was running to the last verse of 'T.H.E.' (The Hardest Ever).

I need to stop eating french fries.

Heading home  I remembered to exhale by the porta-potty by the little league field, good girl.

take care,