I can't remember

 I am terrible company tonight.  My mind is going everywhere and no matter what nothing seems right.  It hurts to smile.  I have no energy.  I don't want to say anything, I don't want to seem needy or a debbie downer.  I'm tired, not just physically and mentally, I'm just tired of all that is.  The sun has set and I await it to rise.  Maybe a shower will help, if only I had the energy to go.  It hurts to smile, I'm tired, I'm having a hard time finding the good, all I seem to have is the empty.  The isolation of our world right now does not help.  I catch myself staring into space and drifting away.  Every little thing brings me somewhere, I'm drowning in this wave.  These memories are all brining tears not one smile or laugh, I can't even bare to say or text the word, it hurts to smile.  Tomorrow will be better... I hope. 

My sixth without you, you are so far away.  I can't remember what you smell like, I can't remember how the skin felt on your face as I caressed it with my fingers, I can't remember anything, the sound of your voice, the sound of your laugh.  I have pictures, but I can't remember. Why are they gone, why can't I remember.