one last thing, again. had to take your name off an account. Lots of paper work, not as difficult though, what hit me was the fact I couldn't remember your SSN. Further and further away. Your text message stream is so far down it's difficult to find these days.
It makes me think that she does not have too many solid memories. I have over 10 years and I can think a little and remember, look at a picture, read a word, hear a song and it'll all come back, sometimes with joy others with tears. She does not have that storage, no fault of her own. She was so young when you left. The memories she has have her own flare, remembered a little differently than I remember. That's ok, those are hers to cherish and cultivate.
Life would be so different if you were still here, of course it would, what a ridiculous statement. We would have different likes than we do now. I don't see us has a camping family and now it is bond she & I share, something we make memories with. I wonder what we would have made memories with you? I'll never know.
Part of me feels guilty for finding joy again in this life, joy in things I don't think you would find as enjoyable. I'm curious as to what we would find enjoyable as a family of three, yet I don't long for it anymore. I've learned to find joy with your princess alone, though she is now my best girl.
If it's such a thing, I hope you are pleased with how things are going here. I'm so torn to honor your beliefs and that you just shut off and were gone when you died. Part of me wants you to see how we're doing and maybe it'll make you smile. I'm doing my best.
love you handsome man.
take care
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