ketchup
make a wish
barbeque
Dr. Pepper
It hurt to smile today
The phone call I should say phone calls, messages. Yes I get them. I don't know why I look. It's not easy for me, but this is better. It wasn't sustainable. It's difficult. I miss talking to you. I miss sharing things with you, telling you funny stories that you would understand. It really is too bad. I wish we could still talk. I wonder sometimes how things are with you, with your girls. Did you get the nutcracker this year?
I would like for us to be friends, but I don't think that will work. It's gone past that now. I need to be strong, I'm so sick of being fucking strong. I need to keep on this path, it's the best choice. I sit here and think about all that's happened since August. Before 2020 I would want to share with you and I thought you would be supportive, but I learned after 2020 that was not in the cards. Helpful yes, but not supportive. I would be reluctant to share with you. That was the sign, the piece of data to address my concerns. You said you didn't know how, well I need someone that does. That's not on you. Your know how does not jive with my manual. I was probably too vulnerable 5 years ago. I opened too much and shared too much. Best intentions I'm sure, but those intentions and actions is what I found comforting and found cared for in those actions. Too fast. In a hurry.
I hope you go on picnics and have LQs.
take care.
