Kites on the Ice

 I'm sitting here in the coffee room, great name by the way, drinking a hot white chocolate something and looking out onto a frozen lake in Buffalo Minnesota.  There are lots and lots of cars out there, daring mother nature, well at least in my mind that is not familiar with the practice of driving on frozen lakes.  Pictures of the nasty sister falling through the ice from "Little Women" come to my mind.  The room is quiet and dark, just the natural light coming in from the window overlooking the lake.  Ice houses, families, dogs all having a wonderful time.  There was a kite festival earlier today so cool to see this community enjoying their Saturday February 14th, Valentine's day.  I have found more books of poetry to peruse and use as a spring board to contemplate and reflect.  I need to do this more often. 

I truly wonder what you would be like now my love.  I'm sure you would still be the avid reader, what discussions would we have these days.  I think I would be a different person at this moment, I may not even be at this retreat and learning to be a befriender if you were still on this earth.  I like the way my life is right now, it's not better than before it's just what my life is these days.  I remember you saying home is where ever I was.  I learned from a woman today who's husband passed away, all though I think she may have been divorced when he passed, I'm not sure.  Not all marriages are good and fulfilling.  I know I sound so Pollyanna, but you were all I ever knew.  You asked me to grow old with you every day, and now I am here growing old without you.  I'm not in the same place I was years ago when I made my silent retreat here, I've grown even since then.  I'm proud of who I am and what I'm doing, I don't want to blow my own horn, but I'm being honest, not boastful.  

I love you handsome man so very much, I often think what our lives would be like.  Would our daughter be on the same path as she is now? Would she be at the same school? Would she choose the same course of study? So many questions, questions that really don't matter, the answers are pointless, but fun to think about sometimes.  I do miss your daily humor in my life.  I miss the jovial, the "dad" jokes, the puns.  I guess I really miss my own Dad for the same reasons.  I must sign off for now my love.  

take care,