Not sure what's going on these days. I've been down lately. I've really missed my Mom and I've been thinking about my Gram too. Not sure what trigged all these thoughts. Seeing family in Cleveland, Alliance, my Dad visited and just left, or that my birthday just passed, another one I couldn't share with my Mom. No "daughter" card this year or ever again. That's my problem, why do I focus on what I no longer have in life. I really should focus on all the wonderful graces in my life. I have a beautiful little girl who is healthy, happy, & quite intelligent. I have a husband who absolutely adores me, he's handsome, funny, incredibly intelligent, extremely supportive, a terrific Dad, and I love him with everything inside me. So what is my problem?
My little girl & I will be going to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children tomorrow, that usually puts things in perspective; as Richard always says . . . first world problems.
I'm working to "snap out of it" I promise.
take care
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
TLC
Decided to start a different blog for my running, but don't worry I'm still out there, running that is.
I've been thinking about a little something involving an elderly woman I know professionally. When I first met her lots of people did not care for & did not want to help her for fear of being yelled at or spoken to poorly. I have to admit I was among those folks. Let's just call this person OL, (I'll let you come up with a first & last name to fit this character).
A few months ago maybe even several months ago I had enough at work. Not just with OL, but with everything at work. People everywhere were just on my nerves. I took some time and really thought about what I was doing in my life & how I would like to be treated if I were on the other side of the counter. It made me think of Kairos. It made me think of how I have no idea what people's situations are & how I know treating a person (especially one who is trying to help you) poorly is not acceptable, but again I don't know their situation. What if they were just given a diagnosis of terminal cancer or worst yet their child is very ill. They might just be coming to see me because they are not feeling well, I don't know about you, but when I'm sick I can be pretty grumpy, especially if I have to be out and not in my own bed resting. Granted that is not an excuse, however it is something to think about.
On with OL. With all of this in mind I decided to take another approach when dealing with my patients. I would try to be more empathetic with my difficult patients. I greeted them enthusiastically, remembered little details from our previous encounter & asked follow up questions. I tried to be more personable. It's paying off I have to say. OL has done a complete 180, well maybe a 165, I'm still working on her. When my patients are happy, my staff is happier, and that makes a great place to work. Turns out OL has a soft spot for stray cats. She seems so tough & gruff, but this cat had kittens in her neighborhood and she leaves bowls of milk out & she's mentioned leaving out tuna as well. Her neighbor says to just leave them alone, but she told me she can't do that, they're just kittens & can't fend for themselves. Just a little bit of kindness & compassion & I see this whole other side of a fellow human being.
take care,
I've been thinking about a little something involving an elderly woman I know professionally. When I first met her lots of people did not care for & did not want to help her for fear of being yelled at or spoken to poorly. I have to admit I was among those folks. Let's just call this person OL, (I'll let you come up with a first & last name to fit this character).
A few months ago maybe even several months ago I had enough at work. Not just with OL, but with everything at work. People everywhere were just on my nerves. I took some time and really thought about what I was doing in my life & how I would like to be treated if I were on the other side of the counter. It made me think of Kairos. It made me think of how I have no idea what people's situations are & how I know treating a person (especially one who is trying to help you) poorly is not acceptable, but again I don't know their situation. What if they were just given a diagnosis of terminal cancer or worst yet their child is very ill. They might just be coming to see me because they are not feeling well, I don't know about you, but when I'm sick I can be pretty grumpy, especially if I have to be out and not in my own bed resting. Granted that is not an excuse, however it is something to think about.
On with OL. With all of this in mind I decided to take another approach when dealing with my patients. I would try to be more empathetic with my difficult patients. I greeted them enthusiastically, remembered little details from our previous encounter & asked follow up questions. I tried to be more personable. It's paying off I have to say. OL has done a complete 180, well maybe a 165, I'm still working on her. When my patients are happy, my staff is happier, and that makes a great place to work. Turns out OL has a soft spot for stray cats. She seems so tough & gruff, but this cat had kittens in her neighborhood and she leaves bowls of milk out & she's mentioned leaving out tuna as well. Her neighbor says to just leave them alone, but she told me she can't do that, they're just kittens & can't fend for themselves. Just a little bit of kindness & compassion & I see this whole other side of a fellow human being.
take care,
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
June 6, 2012 Blaine, MN
Had a wonderful run this morning. The temp was awesome, playlist was jamming, & I felt great. A few thoughts . . .
When running by the porta-potty by the little league field, don't inhale, not a good idea.
Yes, Mister Jagger geometry was hard, but I worked hard & proved myself my sophomore year @ OLP, thanks Mrs. Kracht. . . this came to me as I was running to the last verse of 'T.H.E.' (The Hardest Ever).
I need to stop eating french fries.
Heading home I remembered to exhale by the porta-potty by the little league field, good girl.
take care,
When running by the porta-potty by the little league field, don't inhale, not a good idea.
Yes, Mister Jagger geometry was hard, but I worked hard & proved myself my sophomore year @ OLP, thanks Mrs. Kracht. . . this came to me as I was running to the last verse of 'T.H.E.' (The Hardest Ever).
I need to stop eating french fries.
Heading home I remembered to exhale by the porta-potty by the little league field, good girl.
take care,
Friday, June 1, 2012
June 1, 2012 Blaine, MN
Maybe I shouldn't lip sync when I'm running, no matter how good the song is.
I should really think about my route before I start running instead of just picking a direction & running, well maybe not, I like the free spirit thing. Who cares if I get lost, I'll get home eventually.
It's really beautiful to see the birds, trees, & butterflies in their environment, but odd to hear Will.I.am as I watch these creatures glide & blow with the wind.
Are people looking at me run from the front seats of their car with the radio playing and telling their passengers to watch me run & listen to the music coming from the speakers as I do so many times driving down this very same street.
I should really think about my route before I start running instead of just picking a direction & running, well maybe not, I like the free spirit thing. Who cares if I get lost, I'll get home eventually.
It's really beautiful to see the birds, trees, & butterflies in their environment, but odd to hear Will.I.am as I watch these creatures glide & blow with the wind.
Are people looking at me run from the front seats of their car with the radio playing and telling their passengers to watch me run & listen to the music coming from the speakers as I do so many times driving down this very same street.
Not boring damn it!
Things I think about when I run. So I am a novice runner. I've completed one 5K and trained for five months to do it. I've decided to make this a regular thing, the running that is, I'll throw some 5K events in just for fun. I think what I like is the time to myself and the solitude. It's a great time to think, not to mention the feeling of "I DID IT" at the end; not just the end of a 5K, but at the end of each run.
I don't have much in the hobbies department. I like to take photos, read, & I am most definitely a politics junkie. Most of my time is dedicated to my little girl so most of those previous mentioned activities are not always part of my agenda; I'm not complaining I wouldn't give up that time with my little girl for anything. With all this stated I sometimes feel I'm a boring person. I am a very quiet person until you get to know me, then look out I can talk your ear off if given the opportunity. Even once you know me quite well I am still a very reflective person and will listen to your entire story, I will not offer unsolicited advise, but might give a perspective you might not think about. I wonder how reflective and quiet can be construed as shallow; actually a better word choice here would be misconstrued. I would also say I am very sensitive, a rule follower almost to a fault, and one who works very hard to please others.
Where am I going with all of this? Not sure. All I know is I like my new hobby of running, it's good for me physically & mentally. I've decided I'm not a boring person in the least, yes I might be quiet; but I am listening. I'm also funny, if you don't believe me just ask. I'm not always quick witted, but I'm pretty darn funny, usually because I've been listening to what's being said I can at times bring a joke full circle based on what you've mentioned in our conversation.
I've decided I'm going to tell all who care to read what I think about when I run. I'm not going to promise an update after every run, but I'll do my best, don't forget the cute little girl I adore & handsome husband I'm addicted to, so we'll just take this little project one day at a time.
take care,
I don't have much in the hobbies department. I like to take photos, read, & I am most definitely a politics junkie. Most of my time is dedicated to my little girl so most of those previous mentioned activities are not always part of my agenda; I'm not complaining I wouldn't give up that time with my little girl for anything. With all this stated I sometimes feel I'm a boring person. I am a very quiet person until you get to know me, then look out I can talk your ear off if given the opportunity. Even once you know me quite well I am still a very reflective person and will listen to your entire story, I will not offer unsolicited advise, but might give a perspective you might not think about. I wonder how reflective and quiet can be construed as shallow; actually a better word choice here would be misconstrued. I would also say I am very sensitive, a rule follower almost to a fault, and one who works very hard to please others.
Where am I going with all of this? Not sure. All I know is I like my new hobby of running, it's good for me physically & mentally. I've decided I'm not a boring person in the least, yes I might be quiet; but I am listening. I'm also funny, if you don't believe me just ask. I'm not always quick witted, but I'm pretty darn funny, usually because I've been listening to what's being said I can at times bring a joke full circle based on what you've mentioned in our conversation.
I've decided I'm going to tell all who care to read what I think about when I run. I'm not going to promise an update after every run, but I'll do my best, don't forget the cute little girl I adore & handsome husband I'm addicted to, so we'll just take this little project one day at a time.
take care,
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
All done.
So I found out one of my techs from National City passed away on October 3rd. It was quite a shock and it really hit me hard. He was only 41 years old and left his wife & 2 children. I haven't worked with him for nearly five years, and I only worked with him for 2 years. He was a very hard working person and you could just tell he loved his family so, just by the way he spoke. I suppose he is one of two people very close to my age I've personally known that has died.
It's funny because my Gram passed away on the same day exactly nine years ago. That was a very difficult day in my life, you see I spent the entire day with her. We had lunch with my Mom, went grocery shopping, and took a drive looking for a government building in Pacific Beach. We spent the last day of her life together, she was even talking about making me a lemon pie for my birthday, which was the very next day. I actually found her dead in her chair when I came back upstairs. That was a wonderful day and one of the hardest days of my life. I still miss her, but she was my Gram, and grandparents die, it's never easy, but that's just how life is.
When my Mom died, that was a different story, I suppose all deaths are different stories; just like each life is a different story. I suppose that's what makes it so interesting, I digress, though not as well or insightful as Mister Javier Marias. As I was saying, my Mom's death was very difficult for much different reasons. I was there with my brother when she passed away. The last days of her life were spent in a hospital room, I am so grateful she got to see her granddaughter one last time, especially when she was still somewhat lucid. It seems after that she was not verbally communicative at all. It was only her eyes that would tell me things. I think that was so much harder, I watched her die, and there was nothing I could do. My mind and brain knew she was not in pain, not suffering, but my heart was sick. I watched her all night has her body shut down. She had such a high fever, I soaked wash clothes in ice water and placed them on her forehead just to make me feel better I'm sure. That was the night I spent with her by myself. The next night my brother & I both stayed and that was the night she decided to go. I'm glad we were both there, I'm sure that's what she wanted. You know I say that, but who really knows. People say that those who are close to death know and pepare, or they wait for the most opportune time. I don't know, all I know is that my Gram had a full day & died alone and my Mom died in a hospital room with the two people she loved the most. I still miss my Mom, she had cancer & died. It is still difficult on birthdays and holidays, but each day comes & each night closes and life continues.
I think it was at Gram's viewing that my brother said to me quietly sitting in a pew in a chapel with my Gram in her infamous pink dress & silver slippers in her coffin, he said "why do we do this?" Why do people sit around and look at the dead? When you think about it, it's very odd. I'm sure there is some religious, historical, or ethnic explanation, but when you step back & look at the whole picture it's odd. For me though it clicked, in my experiences the day of the funeral / burial the family goes to the chapel one last time to say goodbye in private and follow them to the church and then to the cemetery. It was at that moment I understood why. The last time she & I would share a room together, the last time I would be in her physical presence; though the coffin lid had been closed it was closure for me. It was the finality and it was done.
take care
It's funny because my Gram passed away on the same day exactly nine years ago. That was a very difficult day in my life, you see I spent the entire day with her. We had lunch with my Mom, went grocery shopping, and took a drive looking for a government building in Pacific Beach. We spent the last day of her life together, she was even talking about making me a lemon pie for my birthday, which was the very next day. I actually found her dead in her chair when I came back upstairs. That was a wonderful day and one of the hardest days of my life. I still miss her, but she was my Gram, and grandparents die, it's never easy, but that's just how life is.
When my Mom died, that was a different story, I suppose all deaths are different stories; just like each life is a different story. I suppose that's what makes it so interesting, I digress, though not as well or insightful as Mister Javier Marias. As I was saying, my Mom's death was very difficult for much different reasons. I was there with my brother when she passed away. The last days of her life were spent in a hospital room, I am so grateful she got to see her granddaughter one last time, especially when she was still somewhat lucid. It seems after that she was not verbally communicative at all. It was only her eyes that would tell me things. I think that was so much harder, I watched her die, and there was nothing I could do. My mind and brain knew she was not in pain, not suffering, but my heart was sick. I watched her all night has her body shut down. She had such a high fever, I soaked wash clothes in ice water and placed them on her forehead just to make me feel better I'm sure. That was the night I spent with her by myself. The next night my brother & I both stayed and that was the night she decided to go. I'm glad we were both there, I'm sure that's what she wanted. You know I say that, but who really knows. People say that those who are close to death know and pepare, or they wait for the most opportune time. I don't know, all I know is that my Gram had a full day & died alone and my Mom died in a hospital room with the two people she loved the most. I still miss my Mom, she had cancer & died. It is still difficult on birthdays and holidays, but each day comes & each night closes and life continues.
I think it was at Gram's viewing that my brother said to me quietly sitting in a pew in a chapel with my Gram in her infamous pink dress & silver slippers in her coffin, he said "why do we do this?" Why do people sit around and look at the dead? When you think about it, it's very odd. I'm sure there is some religious, historical, or ethnic explanation, but when you step back & look at the whole picture it's odd. For me though it clicked, in my experiences the day of the funeral / burial the family goes to the chapel one last time to say goodbye in private and follow them to the church and then to the cemetery. It was at that moment I understood why. The last time she & I would share a room together, the last time I would be in her physical presence; though the coffin lid had been closed it was closure for me. It was the finality and it was done.
take care
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Rite of passage, not really
So the Church is changing some of the participant responses at mass. These changes take place in November, first Sunday of Advent. It got me thinking about my Mom and the changes she saw in the Church. If I'm not mistaken she would of remembered Vatican II. Now obviously the changes I've seen so far are nothing like Vatican II. These are just minor changes to responses and words in prayers we recite at Mass, well so far as I know. It just got me thinking, my little girl will not know the responses I've always known and will be hard to break the automatic response; just like I've always known the mass as the Vatican II version. For my Mom Vatican II happened during her high school years, and for me these changes are happening much later in my life. I'm thinking about my little girl where my Mom had quite a different list of priorities at that stage in her life.
I suppose I've had some struggles of late, when it comes to faith any way. At one time I was so devout and strong in my faith. Now things are so different. I hear questions and answers and reasons. There are jokes and discussions and politics and media and of course there is always money. Of all things an episode of Little House on the Prairie got me thinking. Why do people do bad things? God gives free will and for people to choose good or evil & all degrees there of. If people choose evil that is not God's fault. Thank you Little House. If an accident occurs and one survives and one dies, the survivor might say thank God for saving me, and this statement makes one ponder why did the other person die. I don't know, things happen and we do not always have answers, at least answers are not always available to us when we first ponder the question. I don't think God creates car accidents I think those things just happen. I wonder with the media and politics and jokes and discussions if religion has become the focus and not God. People can be what ever religion that want to proclaim, but when it comes right down to it, religion is just a label. It's all about how we treat each other on this planet. Not what label we wear. I use the term God, other people use different names and some don't use any name at all. It's not about what term we use or what term we don't use, what we believe or don't believe, or if you think there is no such thing as God, again it's respect for life and for human beings. Please don't hide behind a label and say and do horrid things, for politics, for power, for money. Please just be kind to one another. And for those who do not have any label at all, don't equate religion with individuals. Please don't stereotype. Kindness, compassion, care and respect; these are qualities to build from, qualities to teach our children & qualities adults should continue to cultivate.
take care
I suppose I've had some struggles of late, when it comes to faith any way. At one time I was so devout and strong in my faith. Now things are so different. I hear questions and answers and reasons. There are jokes and discussions and politics and media and of course there is always money. Of all things an episode of Little House on the Prairie got me thinking. Why do people do bad things? God gives free will and for people to choose good or evil & all degrees there of. If people choose evil that is not God's fault. Thank you Little House. If an accident occurs and one survives and one dies, the survivor might say thank God for saving me, and this statement makes one ponder why did the other person die. I don't know, things happen and we do not always have answers, at least answers are not always available to us when we first ponder the question. I don't think God creates car accidents I think those things just happen. I wonder with the media and politics and jokes and discussions if religion has become the focus and not God. People can be what ever religion that want to proclaim, but when it comes right down to it, religion is just a label. It's all about how we treat each other on this planet. Not what label we wear. I use the term God, other people use different names and some don't use any name at all. It's not about what term we use or what term we don't use, what we believe or don't believe, or if you think there is no such thing as God, again it's respect for life and for human beings. Please don't hide behind a label and say and do horrid things, for politics, for power, for money. Please just be kind to one another. And for those who do not have any label at all, don't equate religion with individuals. Please don't stereotype. Kindness, compassion, care and respect; these are qualities to build from, qualities to teach our children & qualities adults should continue to cultivate.
take care
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